I'm a creep
by MissingMissUnique
Summary: Inspired by Musings of a Shaken Mind and Radiohead's Creep. Bella and Edwards thoughts in NM.


**This was completely inspired by Musings for a Shaken Mind. She used this idea with the song "Breakeven" by The Script; if you've yet to read it I sincerely advise doing so. **

**Bold lyrics are for Edward, Italics are for Bella, any clearer way to do this let me know and I shall edit.**

Set at the time of New Moon _review!_

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**When you were here before; Couldn't look you in the eye**  
It was so hard for me to do that, I can't express how hard. The monster makes the ultimate sacrafice, he gives up his soul - if he ever had one.  
_  
You're just like an angel; Your skin makes me cry  
_As I lie here on the wet ground my mind replays the last few hours. He is just as beautiful. As I reach to stroke his lovely face he disappears and I am left alone, crying, shaking. I make feeble attempts to console myself, thinking of it as a hunting trip; but it's not. I'm never going to see him again, the broken pieces of my heart smoulder.

**You float like a feather. In a beautiful world**  
She's so delicate and fragile, and I've crushed her. No, she'll get over me, the human world is like that, they continue striving for love no matter how badly they've been hurt. This is for the best, this is how her life was meant to be. Oh Bella . . . .

_I wish I was special, You're so fucking special  
_If only he'd changed me, I could have been one of them and then maybe he wouldn't have become bored, it would have been easier for him to stay with me, less dangerous. I could never have been as wonderful as Rosalie or Alice but maybe a bit prettier and a little bit more interesting. That's all I would have needed to do, he loved me. Or did he. . . .

**But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo  
**A sick sick masochist. I'm horrible. I disgust myself and there was me trying to pollute this angel, my lovely Bella, so pure and innocent.

_What the hell am I doing here?  
_So what happens now? Can I stay in Forks ? Can I leave ? Charlie must be freaking out by now. No doubt he'll call Mom eventually and she'll try and take me to Florida. If I go, I'll never see him again but I doubt he's going to come back anyway and if he does it would be easier for him not to see me. I don't want to cause him pain.

**I don't belong here  
**My family remain supportive, but I know they have also sacraficed. They miss her, not as much as me but more than I expected. Alice sits there now, staring blankly into the woods. I know she's seeing Bella, checking on her not for me but for herself. I sigh and she looks over to me, for a second we meet eyes and she smiles angelically, barricading me from her thoughts. I wouldn't have gone in there anyway, the images in **my** head are painful enough.

_I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control  
_I wander over to the men, they don't look drunk yet; Jessica is going crazy on the other side of the road but I don't care anymore. One of them says something to me but I can't make out what it is, there's a growling in my ear. My hole isn't rippling, it's burning as they continue speaking and I continue listening to my own head. Tomorow I might regret this, for now it's bliss.

**I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul  
**I walk down the street and see all the girls stare after me, I hate it. Why don't they see behind this face is a monster, a killer, I couldn't even protect the one thing I had and now I have nothing. I hope she's happy, cause I never will be.

_I want you to notice when I'm not around  
_To be truly honest, I wish these distractions meant nothing to him. Ok, so I'm a stupid human girl, normal, fragile and pathetic; but if there was some way I could be more to him. Enough to draw him back here and beg him to take me back, tell him I'd do anything. I wonder if he's like me, unable to breathe covered in bullet holes. I doubt it.

**You're so fucking special; I wish I was special  
**That girl gave up everything for me, willingly. My love, so ready to throw away her family and friends, her entire world! She makes me laugh, even now, when I've broken her, what have I done. . .

_But I'm a creep I'm a weirdo  
_I haven't showered for days, but then I haven't moved either. My ceiling remains a blur though I've been staring at it for hours now, unable to sleep. Normally this would mean nothing to me, I have'nt given up on a normal sleeping pattern, I've given up on one altogether. Who was I to think he could love me? Pfft. Fragile little human that can't hold on to anything, by now even Charlie will have forsaken me.

**What the hell am I doing here?  
**A few days ago, I lost conciousness, I think. I'm not entirely sure that a Vampire can do this but I moved into a state of complete darkness. I woke up in a cave, on the outskirts of Volterra. What got me here ? I couldn't even begin to guess, the only thing I can be glad of is that I woke up at all. Not while she still breathes will I leave my darling, my beautiful love. I have a feeling that she is now moving on, beginning to seek warmth that I could never have given her whether I had stayed or not.

_I don't belong here  
_Jacob's arms are exceptionally warm. It's a feeling that I've not felt with someone before, this friendship. I don't worry about how I look, the way I act, what I say. He's just like my big brother, even now when he's twirling that strand of my hair the one that . . . . This isn't right, I shouldn't have let this happen, I can't be hurt again, I'm still hurt from before! We were just friends but this isn't right.

**She's running out the door**  
My eyes flicker to Alice as her face returns to life, she couldn't hide it this time. "No, Edward, I didn't see all of it!" she screams from behind as I slide into the Volvo, already she's too late. Bella's running, Bella's in trouble. I'm going to check on her, even if it kills me! I remember my promise to never see her again but it doesn't matter any more because she needs me, and my whole reason for exsisting is back.

_She's running out, She runs runs runs  
_I'm not sure what I'm doing but the hole has returned with vengance, my truck chugs so slowly that I have to pull over. Weeping, I throw myself out of the cab on to the ground; my arms cradle my own shoulders but I find no comfort. I am nothing, I am hollow, and I deserve it, I've done this to myself.

**Whatever makes you happy, Whatever you want  
**I sit in the tree beside her house, I've done this millions of times but it feels so different now. The usual excitement I have has been replaced by worry. What will she look like? Will she have slept much? The infamous truck growled it's way around the corner and I couldn't stop my body tensing. Bella, stumbled out and I lurched forward, and then I saw him. A boy. A human boy. He looked like he could be a Quileute, my I could feel something inside me going crazy. My eyes tried to water; I had to snap out of it. Bella deserved to be happy, she was the most precious and beautiful thing in the world and my entire exsistance was to keep her safe and happy. If this is what counteracted the pain I had caused her then I would have to live with it.

_You're so fucking special; I wish I was special  
_I wonder how the distractions were going ? I'm sure they meant he was fine, whilst I lay here in a wreck, a heap of self pity. He's so much stronger than me, so much better. If I'd never started then I wouldn't be in this pain, but it was still worth it.

**But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo**  
I couldn't even look after her, the only thing I had in life. Distractions ? Pfft she believed such a pathetic lie. Poor Bella, naive, so innocent, so fragile, so breakable. And now I've broken her, put her in pain that she doesn't deserve. I hate myself. The phone rings. Horrifying news. Just as I'm about to cave, a knife is thrust into my chest and there was no pain worse that what I'd been experiencing..Bella..

_What the hell am I doing here?  
_Alice tells me that we're near Volterra and my heart begins to pound a little more. I'm not really sure what the plan is, or how I can help, he has to see me in a few minutes time and I'm still sitting in a swish looking porsch! They pick the slowest clumsiest person to break through a storm of tourists ? Vampires are mad. How am I meant to attract attention, I've been hiding from it for most if not all my life.

**I don't belong here.  
**I encircle her entirely, letting her drooping head lean on my shoulder. I'm amazed we've survived this all, but we've done it together. Maybe that's the only way we can survive, like magnets we will always be drawn to the other, even if it involves making dangers and stupid decisions.

_I don't belong here  
_I can't help myself moving closer to him; it's become a natural reaction. This isn't how it's supposed to be though, he should never have come to Italy in the first place. He shouldn't have cared. My mind is too tired to think about it though. For now sleep is inevitable. What happens tomorow can wait till then...

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**It has a rubbish ending...... I'm sorry REVIEW!**


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